


I want you, if you want me too

by softestoutlaw



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games), Red Dead Redemption 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Arthur Morgan X John Marston, Fingering, Gender Dysphoria, Idiots in Love, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Pre-Canon, Size Difference, Trans Male Character, Transmasc, Vaginal Sex, arthur morgan - Freeform, handjobs, morston, trans john marston, uhhh size kink? kinda, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:02:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29278167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softestoutlaw/pseuds/softestoutlaw
Summary: Trans John Marston, Cis Arthur MorganBasically John admits he has feelings for Arthur, it’s all very tender, They love each other.
Relationships: John Marston/Arthur Morgan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	I want you, if you want me too

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of unsafe binding, “clit” used for John

Dutch had sent John, Arthur, Javier and Bill on a bank job across the state line some two days earlier and John hadn’t had a moment to himself for a second. The bank had proved bountiful and they’d started drinking early evening, as a celebration. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been enjoying himself, but watching Arthur laugh across the fire had John’s head spinning worse than any bottle of whiskey could. John had had to excuse himself.  
He shivers and pulls his knees closer to his chest as he rests against the rough trunk of the tree. It’s not really cold out, but John’s slight, and his clothes hang off his frame, making it impossible for them to insulate him against the night air. Well, they’re Arthur’s clothes really. John’s been borrowing them, a shirt here, an old pair of pants there. “Just because mine are a little worse for wear, just until I manage to head into town and buy more,” is what he’d say to the older man. Technically, it was no lie that John’s pants had holes in them, but he wasn’t gonna tell Arthur that he wanted his hand-me-downs because wearing his shirts felt like safety. Even if they did come down to his knees.  
He resented himself for allowing himself to be so infatuated with Arthur. John had tried to ignore the feelings that being with Arthur caused, but evidently he hadn’t tried hard enough. Why couldn’t it be enough just being his friend? Why must he worship him? Now, distanced from the others, he can’t even put his finger on why he’d had to get some air. Was he jealous that he never seemed to be able to make Art laugh in the way Javier had been by the fire? Jealous of that bond that other men seemed to have with each other that John always felt he couldn’t experience? Or maybe it had just been his own love drunk pining for Arthur that had overwhelmed him.  
His head swims slightly from the alcohol and he puts a cigarette to his lips. His cold hands shake slightly as he lights it. It hurts to inhale, his chest bound too tight with bandage, and he winces. He hadn’t taken them off for days now, not enough privacy. He glances up as he hears heavy footsteps nearby. Arthur’s a few metres away, obviously trying to spot John in the half light. 

“Over here,” John calls and Arthur turns his head, and laughs as he sees the younger man. 

“Johnny! You leave the fun to come and sulk?” Arthur says as he makes his way over and sits down unceremoniously next to John. He dwarfs the younger man, even when sitting.

“S’okay, jus needed some air, that’s all,” John says, taking a drag on his cig, before offering it to Arthur, who takes it.

“Why? We upset you or something?” Arthur asks with the cigarette hanging from his lips.

“I said it’s okay Arthur, it’s nothin’, jus me being dumb, as usual,”. Arthur looks at him with a questioning expression and John feels guilt flood him. His stupid feelings had ruined the celebratory atmosphere of the night.

“You ain’t dumb John, not really,” Arthur smiles as he hands the cig back to John. “You just confuse me,”. John turns to look at Arthur and their eyes meet. 

“I’m sorry I’m actin strange, I don’t really got the words to explain why if i’m being honest, don’t wanna embarrass myself,” John says in a quiet, apologetic tone, before staring back down at the cig and flicking the ash away. He knew his face was starting to flush. 

“I though me an you were past embarrassing ourselves in front of each other Johnny, known each other long enough now,” Arthur says, gently putting his hand on John’s jaw and turning the younger mans face to look at him. John’s breath hitched in his throat at the contact.

“I came to find you cos it’s no fun if you’re not there, you know i’d rather be with you than those two idiots,” Arthur nods in the direction of camp. “I might have had a bit to drink but I can still listen to why you’re upset,”

John laughs and takes the last drag from the cig before flicking it away into the damp grass. 

“Never said I was upset,” 

“Okay then, why you’re sat shiverin’ against a tree by yourself instead of trying to out drink the rest of us like you normally do,” Arthur says. “you’re usually standing on a box singing the wrong words to songs at this point in the night, something must’ve been playin’ on your mind for you to have up and left?”

John smiles then glances away from Arthur for a second, before turning back to look at him. 

“Promise you won’t hate me if I say it Arthur?”

“Why would I hate ya?”

John picks the skin around his nails nervously. He shouldn’t admit his feelings now, not when he’d kept it to himself for so long. So why was he suddenly about to? 

“Scared you’ll think i’m.. strange.. wrong..” 

“John you know I ain’t never judged you,”. This was true. Arthur had always accepted John for who he was. He’d always be John Marston to Arthur, even though he’d known the boy when he’d answered to another name. 

“I know, but..” John murmurs “S’not appropriate for me to feel how I feel, don’t wanna make this, us, weird,”. 

Arthur’s face is blank for a split second, and then, as realisation hits him, his lips part to form a small, silent, ‘oh’.

“I- John, you mean? You got-?”

“Feelin’s for you? Yeah,” John whispers and feels his face and neck burn, turning away and resting his forehead on his knees for a second , which are still pulled up close to his chest, in an attempt to escape from the awkwardness. He looks up again, unable to meet Arthur’s gaze.

“Ah shit I’m sorry, shouldn’t have said anything, I- I don’t want anything to change b’tween us,” John stumbles over his words as he tries to claw the conversation back under his control. “I’m drunk! I’m drunk, and i’m not thinking right, and if you wanna pretend I said nothing we can do that and nothin’ has to change-“

“Stop that,” Arthur says quietly and Johns voice falters. He can feel his heart beating through the tight layers of bandage and he’s honestly scared Arthur can hear it, even over the faint noise of Bill and Javier’s raised drunken voices drifting over. 

Arthur starts to speak, and John can tell he’s choosing his words carefully.

“All I ever want, John, is for you to feel comfortable around me and- well-” He shuffles slightly so he’s facing John rather than sat beside him. “-I’ve felt, well, feelin’s.. for you too,” John looks at him with wide eyes. “But, I felt like, like I would seem, I dunno, predatory? I didn’t want you to feel as though, as though I like you because I don’t see you as a real man,” Arthur’s voice trails off, and he runs a nervous hand through his stubble. John’s never seen him look this vulnerable and his heart aches for the other man. 

“You ain’t capable of makin’ me uncomfortable Arthur,” John says, in almost a whisper. Moving his legs so they’re no longer tucked up, he puts a cautious hand up against Arthur’s face. Arthur breathes out a quiet content sigh and leans forward so their foreheads press gently against each other. John’s fingers brush lightly over Arthur’s bottom lip and he opens his mouth slightly in response. Hesitantly, the younger puts his fingertip into Arthurs mouth, and is met with a small lick, that makes John giggle. Arthur grins and then pulls his head back a little.

“I want you, if you want me too,” He says, his voice barely audible. 

“Please,” John breathes, and then his lips are on Arthur’s and it feels like pulling a trigger. 

Arthur tastes like whiskey, smoke and a hint of blood from slightly chapped lips . John’s intoxicated by it. They kiss deeply, Arthur’s tongue flicking into John’s mouth, as his hand moves slowly into the others already messy hair, pulling gently. John inhales sharply, his lips breaking apart from Arthur’s for a second, before leaning in and kissing him hungrily, wetly. 

“Won’t the others want to know what we’re up to?” John asks, suddenly remembering Bill and Javier. 

“They're too drunk to even notice I left,” Arthur says, his breath warm against John’s lips.

John’s hands move to Arthur’s chest and he pushes slightly. Arthur, understanding, lies back against the cool grass, as John moves on top, straddling him, and starts to kiss Arthur’s down jaw, nipping on his neck. Arthur breathes heavily, one hand still in Johns hair, the other moving up the back of Johns shirt, warm fingers touching cold skin. His hand brushes against the fabric bound tight across John’s back and the younger man flinches. 

“Johnny.. how long has it been since you took those bandages off?” Arthur murmurs, concern evident in his voice. 

“Doesn’t matter,” John says, muffled against the crook of Arthur’s neck and he nips the sensitive skin there again. Arthur’s breath hitches at this, but he speaks again.

“It’s been days hasn’t it?”. John huffs and sits up, staring down at the older man.

“Arthur, really, don’t worry about me, its fine-“

“John,” Arthur interrupts him, “I don’t wanna get ahead of myself here but I ain’t doin’ this with you if you can’t fuckin’ breathe,”. John tenses up, and Arthur moves his hands to cup the younger’s face. 

“I ain’t gonna touch you there, I swear I won’t,” Arthur whispers gently. “But I need to you to be safe Johnny, please,”. John chews his bottom lip, his breathing shallow and nervous. Vulnerability. 

“I-I don’t want you to see me without, without something covering me,” he says and Arthur nods in understanding.

“S’like I said, I don’t ever wanna make you uncomfortable, just take em off under your shirt”. John closes his eyes and reaches behind his back, under his shirt and loosens the knot on the bandage. Pulling it away feels like he’s breathing for the first time since they rode out two days ago. He opens his eyes to see Arthur smiling slightly beneath him. 

“Well done,” Arthur whispers as he puts his hand back into John’s hair and brings his head down to kiss him. 

“Is there anything I shouldn’t do,” Arthur says into the kiss.

“S’all fine, aside from chest,”.

With the other hand on John’s back, Arthur rolls them over, so he’s the one on top, and his knee pushes up between the smaller man’s legs. John whines at the sudden pressure and the noise made Arthur’s hardening cock twitch. The kiss becomes messy as John starts to move his hips, desperately seeking friction through the layers of fabric that separated Arthur’s knee and the wet heat building steadily between his own thighs. 

“Fuck Art-Arthur, I need-need more,” John says breathily, his hands under Arthur’s shirt, digging his nails in slightly. 

“What do you want?”. Arthur presses his knee slightly harder, resulting in a moan from the man below him. John thrusts his hips up again against Arthur and reaches for the older man’s hand, guiding it to the waistband of his pants. 

“Fingers?, Please Arthur,” John whimpers and Arthur groans at the words coming out of John’s mouth, pressing his lips against John’s neck as his cock strains almost painfully against his own trousers. He moves his knee away and John makes a noise at the sudden loss of sensation. Arthur fumbles to undo the buttons on John’s pants with one hand and, with John’s help, pulls the pants off him. Though he’s exposed, John’s not shivering anymore. Arthur’s fingers trace lightly against the skin of his inner thigh and John trembles, feeling the cold air against his own wetness. 

“Arthur stop fuckin’ teasin’,” he moans and Arthur smirks into John’s neck, sucking a bruise there.

“Sorry Johnny,” he mutters before suddenly running a finger through John, catching for a second against his clit. John bucks his hips against Arthur’s palm and gasps, digging his nails hard into the other man’s back, warranting a deep groan from Arthur. John feels Arthur’s cock against his thigh and clenches involuntarily at the thought of it. Arthur rubs lazy circles over John’s clit until John’s clutching onto him, breathing fast and shallow.

“Please,” he whines between breaths and Arthur finally obliges, pushing one large finger into John, who yelps at the feeling. 

“Fuck,” John says, his voice shaky. “Feels real good, oh, fuck!” he breathes as Arthur pushes a second digit into him. Arthur starts to curl his fingers inside, stretching, his thumb still circling and John sees stars on the edge of his vision. 

“You’re so good for me Johnny, so so good,” Arthur whispers into John’s ear,and John’s done for. He clenches around Arthur’s fingers as he comes, and Arthur doesn’t stop moving them until John’s breathing steadies slightly and his orgasm fades. 

“Holy shit,” John breathes out and Arthur laughs quietly, slowly moving his hand from John and kissing down his neck before moving to lay on his back.

“There wasn’t nothin holy about that,”.

John, still breathing loudly, turns to look at Arthur, who’s cock is still visibly hard through his trousers. 

“Arthur, I still want you.. i’m ok if you still want me,” he says quietly. Arthur looks at him through heavy lids.

“You sure? Don’t wanna make you feel like you have to take me- oh fu-“ Arthur’s cut off by John straddling him once more, his hands working to get Arthur’s belt unclasped. John sits up slightly to give room for Arthur to grab the waist of his trousers and pull them off before settling back into place, and Arthur hisses at the feeling of John’s heat against his cock. 

“Fuck, John, have you- have you ever done this before?” he asked through gritted teeth, trying not to buck up against the smaller man. 

“No,” John mumbles and Arthur grimaces.

“John we don’t gotta do this, I don’t wanna hurt you,”. John leans down and kisses Arthur again, pushing his tongue into Arthur’s mouth before pulling away again. 

“I want this, I want it to be you, I trust you,” He whispers and Arthur feels himself melt. Slowly, Arthur lines his cock up against John, and painstakingly pushes in. John gasps and screws his eyes shut, and Arthur goes still, panicked he’s hurt him. But John nods his head and Arthur continues until he’s seated inside.

“Jus, go slow,” John says with a groan.

“Y-yeah,” Arthur breathes and slowly starts to move. John moves his own hand down and begins touching himself as arthur sets a pace and as he relaxes, those same stars appear behind his tightly shut eyelids. 

“Arthur, Ar- fuck, oh fuck,” he moans and Arthur twitches, fucking up roughly into him once as his self restraint to go slow gets weaker.

“Fuck, John, sorry, I-“ he says between panting breaths but John meets his lips with a kiss.

“S’okay Arthur,”. 

Arthur’s hands grip John’s small waist tightly just before he comes, thrusting up hard into a panting john, before pulling out quickly while his orgasm crashes over him, spilling over both of them. 

“I love you,”.


End file.
